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Karis now has two teeth coming in! Her middle tooth on the bottom (on the right), and her upper-left-middle tooth. Wow, that was a mouthful!
I am a hypochondriac. When I was in high school, a friend told me the symptoms of meningitis. I had a really bad headache a few days later, and I swore I must have had meningitis. This is just to give you a picture of my neurosis.
Now that you have an idea of my condition, picture me in this scenario with children. Most of the time, I don’t worry that I or the kids have some disease that is going to flare it’s ugly head. It’s when I hear that one of my friends has a sick child that I start getting anxious or if one of my kids gets sick. If it’s just a cold, I don’t worry about it too much since Sean and Jonas handle colds very well – they don’t act like they have a cold, though they have the symptoms of a cold. When Karis was younger, I got more stressed about her getting a cold mostly because I hated not knowing what to do in the middle of the night if she woke up with regards to nursing her and how long I should let her cry for. Fortunately, I know that if she wakes up in the middle of the night, I try to make her as comfortable as I can, but I don’t feel as bad about leaving her in her bed after I’ve done the best that I can.
Anyways, the reason for this post is Karis is getting over a cold, and now she’s had this skin issue. It started on her shoulder, and I thought it was a bug bite, and not a big deal. She then got one next to her mouth, which again, I assumed it was just a bug bite or something that wasn’t a big deal. Yesterday, I noticed it was spreading to different areas. Let me take some time out and say I hate skin issues. It grosses me out. I told my husband tonight that I hated feeling the bumpiness of her skin when I gave her her bath. I also hate look at the redness of her bumps. It bothers me and makes my skin feel itchy and bumpy. It doesn’t , however, bother Karis at all; she’s happy as a clam. Actually, none of Karis’ illnesses ever seem to bother her, even when she had bronciolitis. Sorry, I digress. I took her to Convenient Care this morning, and the nurse practitioner said it was flair ups of eczema and a mild case of impetigo. She prescribed some topical antibiotics, and I started treatment. This afternoon, I noticed it spreading some more. Then I started to feel stress. Stressed enough to take her to the doctor tomorrow again.
I’ve had a few mild breakdowns this weekend because of Karis and her skin. My husband asked me a poignant question, “Why do you stress out so much when our kids get sick?” I don’t like my sleep getting disrupted and having to get up in the middle of the night. I know it doesn’t last forever, but part of me fears that the kids won’t get back on schedule with their sleep again. I feel guilty when my kids get sick, especially with something that I’ve never seen before or something that really makes them feel miserable. I feel like I’ve been a bad mom and that I should have done something to prevent them from getting sick. The reality is that I have three kids, and I can’t quarantine them all the time. I know this, and I know that they’ll get sick. I know that I’m not knowingly putting them in situations where they are exposed to some really bad illness. I know this, but yet, I feel guilty. I also feel guilty when my kids have exposed their illness to other kids. I know that other moms don’t blame me for their kids getting sick because I didn’t know, but I still feel bad. I also worry, being the hypochondriac that I am, that the kids sickness will spread to everyone. I don’t like dealing with sickness, especially when it’s going to last awhile in our house. But, all in all, I know everyone will feel better and that the sickness will end. I know this, but I still feel stressed. Sigh.
I wanted to say that Karis is a genius! She used a straw for the first time! That is all. 
It was a relatively warm and sunny afternoon today. After I got home from the grocery store, I let the boys run around outside while I put the groceries away. After I put the groceries away, I told the boys they needed to come in while I made dinner. Sean asked if he could play in the backyard. I thought about it, and then agreed. Before I let the boys go, I told them, “Do not play in the mud.” I repeated it several times, and they said, “Yes mama”.
I went in, fed Karis her dinner, and then got dinner started. Things were going well – quiet, peaceful, dinner was getting made. As I finished up plating the boys dinner, Sean came into the kitchen (without his jacket and shoes, which he obediently took off before coming into the house). He said his pants were wet, and he wanted to change them. I didn’t think it was a big deal, and I asked, “Where’s the water from?”, figuring it was just his pants getting damp from the wet grass. Before Sean could answer, Jonas ran into the kitchen, and he was wet from his pants down. He was crying because he was cold. I looked again to Sean and asked where the water came from. Sean looked at me and matter-of-factly said, “The sandbox. The water was in the sandbox, and we were playing in it.” Sigh. The boys did obey and did not play in the mud. Abysmal geniuses, those boys.
Needless to say, the boys got stripped down and got an early bath before dinner.
Eight years ago this very day (by coincidence, really!), my husband and I started dating. Fast forward eight years, and we now have three beautiful children. I don’t know what it is this year, but my expectations for this day has been greatly lowered, but in a good way. I’ve been more focused on doing things special for the kids, not just thinking about things for my husband and me. I think it’s probably because the boys are older and understand a little bit more about holidays, especially Sean.
The boys enjoyed getting their Valentine’s Day balloons from the Dollar Store on Sunday. This morning, I gave the boys some Valentine’s Day gifts I got in the $1 section at Target. Last night, it snowed a significant amount last night, about an inch. This has only been the third or fourth time this winter, so the boys really wanted to go out into the snow and play. After I bundled them up, they went outside to play in the snow while Karis was napping. I made mac n’ cheese from a box (one of the boys favorite). Our plans for the rest of the day: naptime, haircut, going out to eat at a new burger place, and enjoying Valentine’s day cookies.
I did do something special for my husband for Valentine’s Day (but really, we celebrate it more as our dating anniversary!). I made him some homemade cards, and some heart-shaped cookies. I really hate making cut-out cookies, but I think everyone will enjoy them. They are very pretty, and I think I figured out a way to make the cookies less frustrating last night!
It’s been awhile since I posted pictures of the cuties, so I’ll post some from the past month. Hover over the pictures to read the captions! Enjoy!
About 10 minutes ago, I put Karis in her exersaucer so that she could play, and I could use the computer for a little bit. I was posting something on Facebook when I started hearing Karis fuss a little bit. I figured I had another minute to finish up before I needed to get her. I finished posting and went over to get her in her exersaucer………….
SHE WASN’T IN HER EXERSAUCER ANYMORE! SHE WAS ON HER TUMMY ON THE WOOD FLOOR ONE FOOT AWAY FROM HER EXERSAUCER. That’s right folks. I don’t know how she managed to get out, but she ended up on the floor. Praise the Lord she wasn’t seriously hurt. It didn’t even to seem to phase her. She seemed more upset that she was on her tummy rather than getting out of her exersaucer. I think we need to move the legs on the exersaucer higher…. 
My husband did say that he saw Karis halfway out of the exersaucer yesterday when she was trying to grab the top of a playmat a friend had brought for her son. It also seems that Karis doesn’t like the exersaucer as much now that she can sit up.
Let it be known that Karis’ first tooth is finally making it’s debut. Her bottom left tooth (in the middle) is just starting to show through her gums.
On Saturday evening, we had the privilege of having Jaime and her kiddos – Zach, Rissa, and Thanny – over for dinner while Matt was out of town (Jaime surprised Matt for his birthday this year with a “Man’s Weekend” with two of his best friends, each without their wives and kiddos, so that they could enjoy each others company). It was crazy, loud, and messy, but fun. My husband and I were a little tired from the day, and it was nice to have the distraction of guests to entertain the kids.
As we sat, I just watched Jaime loving all the kids. At one point, all the big kids (Zach, Rissa, and Sean) were sitting with her on the couch as she read story after story. She interacted with them as she read each of the stories – she’d pause and ask each child a question, be silly and insert a different word to see if they’d catch the change in context (which of course our genius kids did!), show them the different ballet positions and asked if they could do them too with their feet. The children soaked up all the attention, and I know they each felt special to be included, especially when Mrs. Jaime (or mom) would address them each individually and ask a question.
When the big kids were done with the stories, they asked Mrs. Jaime to draw on the Magnadoodle. It soon became a game of Mrs. Jaime drawing a picture and the children guessing what she drew. Mrs. Jaime would address one child and say, “Sean, you’ll never guess this one. Never ever!” to which all the children replied, “Yes we will!”. And of course, the children were able to guess the pictures. Oh the squealing, giggles, and laughing! Mrs. Jaime spoke to each child in turn and drew something for each of them, over and over again. She would give the child she was addressing the chance to guess, though it was hard for the other kids not to chime in. She would draw pictures for Thanny and Jonas when they wanted to take a break from their activity and join in with the big kids. She would draw pictures for things that she knew was special for each child, which was such a sweet thing.
It was such a beautiful thing watching our children being loved by Mrs. Jaime. I know my kids felt so special being addressed by her. Mrs. Jaime just has a way of loving our children and making them feel special for who they are. I know that Mrs. Jaime’s children feel so special by the attention that she gives her children as well.
As I reflect on Mrs. Jaime, I want to say, that I have a special place in my heart who love my children the way that Mrs. Jaime does; those who address my children, interact with them, make them special and bring up things that they are interested in. I also want to say I really respect those that treat my children that way, and especially those mothers that treat my children and their children with such attentiveness. I have so many women in my group of friends like Mrs. Jaime – they sit down and interact with their children, they play with their children, they come up with their children, they snuggle their children, they read to their children. I love watching how they love their children, and I think it’s a true gift and talent to mother in this way.
I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom even before I had kids, and I pictured myself as being a mom like Mrs. Jaime – nurturing, interactive, and creative. Then, I had Sean. I was not that mom. I wasn’t a bad mom, but I wasn’t like Mrs. Jaime or my mom friends that were like Mrs. Jaime. I’d watch my mom friends, who I envied, with their kids and my kids, and I’d feel guilty. What was wrong with me? Don’t I love my kids? Why can’t I spend as much time playing with them instead of doing my own things? It made me feel guilty as a mom. I would try to do things more for my kids and becoming more like Mrs. Jaime, but the guilt still remained.
As the years passed, I felt less guilty, and felt more comfortable with my mothering. I knew that mothering looked different from person to person, and I could accept that in others, but still struggled a little bit for myself. But recently, I’ve been feeling less guilty and much more comfortable with my mothering style. Then, I had this revelation: every person has their own talent, and it shapes how they mother (or parent). I’ve had other mom’s comment to me that they think it’s amazing that I can cook every night for dinner and have a relatively tidy house. Embarrassed, I’d oftentimes brush those compliments aside and compliment the person complimenting me. But now, I realize that this is my talent and gift. I am naturally good at organization. I like making to-do lists and crossing things off the list. I like things being tidy. I like planning things. All these things that I’m gifted at, I’ve unconsciously incorporated into my life as a mom. They’ve come into the forms of creating structure in my children’s day, getting things done around the house because I want them to be done, and running errands.
Here’s another secret that I’ve learned: I can embrace my gifts and talents as a mom while incorporating the gifts that I see in other moms! I know that I’m not naturally good at interacting with my kids and being as nurturing and creative as some other moms like Mrs. Jaime. That’s okay, and I’ve come to peace with that. However, I am now finding that I am encouraged by moms like Mrs. Jaime. They spur me to do things for my kids and taking time out for my kids. Why? Because even in my own talents of organization, they too have their faults. I’ve seen myself become headstrong and resentful towards my kids because I was not able to get things crossed off my list that I wanted to do. It wasn’t my children’s fault, but it was my attitude. Being surrounded by moms like Mrs. Jaime remind me to take time for my kids. Yes, I can still be organized mom that I’m naturally gifted at, but I can also learn to take time out of my day to love my kids. Sure, it doesn’t look exactly like my other mom friends that I feel are gifted at interacting with their kids, but I can still do it. I’ve learned not to do it out of guilt, but rather, the beauty in forming that time and relationship and doing things for my kids because I love them. I’m learning to balance my desire to get things done off my list, but also taking that time out to read my kids a story or to have some snuggling time. I’m still growing in this area, but I am so thankful for the moms I have surrounding me. I’m thankful that they aren’t judgmental that I don’t spend as much time with my children. I’m thankful for their example and how they have really grown me in how I interact with my kids in a loving way. I’m thankful for how they tell me what a great mom I am, even though how I mother is different than how they mother. I’m so thankful for their love and encouragement to me. I know it is because of this, that I am able to feel the freedom of embracing the mom that I am with the gifts that God has gifted me with, as opposed to feeling guilty of not being the mom that I feel like I should be.
Nobody ever told me that parenting is not for the faint of heart. Being responsible for another human being is downright scary, and as Sean’s gotten older, I’ve started to think about a few “what if” scenarios. There are two, in particular, that I’ve been thinking about, and they’re pretty much opposites of each other. The common thread is being the parent.
I’ll start with the one that is most likely to occur in the next few years. Sean is about to enter kindergarten. I know I’ve posted this a couple of times, but I think I’m still in a little bit of a shock thinking about how he’ll be in school the whole day. In our school district, we are able to “choose” any school that we’d like Sean to go into by a lottery system. Our school district rebuilt three schools into magnet schools with different areas of focus: science/engineering, government/democracy, and international education. My husband considered sending Sean to a magnet school, but I changed my mind after thinking about the peers that he would have in those schools. The thing is all the magnet schools are in the poorer neighborhoods. Now before you start flaming me on this blog, please hear me out. It’s not the ethnicity of the peers Sean would have at these schools that made me change my mind, it’s the behavior of the peers that I wouldn’t want influencing Sean. I would love for Sean to have peers that come from different backgrounds and ethnicities; in fact I hope that he does make friends from all different backgrounds. However, as stereotypical as this statement is, I feel that poorer neighborhoods tend to have schools with children with more behavioral problems. We have a really good friend in town that teaches pre-school to “at risk” children (most of the kids come from poorer families), and he has told me about some of the behaviors of his children in his classroom. And, as much as he loves his students and his job, he has told me he’d never really want Sean to be in his classroom to be influenced by some of his students. Respect, language usage, physical interactions are all problems that our friend has in the classroom.
Sean is such a sweet boy. He is very kind, generous, friendly, and loving towards others. It is so special for me to see him interact with all of his friends. I wish I could keep Sean like this forever; never knowing betrayal, bullying, or hurt from his peers. I want to put him in a protective bubble. I know it’s not possible, but that’s my desire. I know that I can’t protect Sean forever, but I can have some influence over the environment he’s in, and indirectly, the type of peers that Sean will have. Especially with Sean being so young, I feel that he can be more easily influenced by his peers; I see it already in pre-school. My husband has made the argument that we as parents can still mold him into the kind, respectful person we’d like him to be regardless of his peers, and I agree. I feel however, it might be harder to enforce good behavior if more of his peers have a tendency to have bad behavior. I don’t know if this will be true, but it’s just a thought I have. No matter where Sean goes to school, there will be likely to have kids that have bad behaviors, but I’d like to play the odds of putting him in a school where it is less of a problem.
This has made me realize that I wish I could keep a protective bubble around Sean. I don’t know how long I’d want to keep it around him, but I just want to. However, I realize that I can’t protect Sean from everyone and everything, though I definitely wish I could. I can, however, continue to create a loving environment at home with my husband and our family. I can create a place where he can feel unjudged, trusted, loved, respected, and safe. So, no matter what life throws at him, I hope that he will see our family as a haven.
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I read this post awhile ago, and it got my mind thinking that night. I sat and laid in bed thinking about all the “what ifs” that our children might do that we would either disagree with or disapprove of. Some of the questions I had were, “What if our child got someone pregnant or was pregnant at a young age?”, “What if our child killed someone?”, “What if our child broke the law?” I struggled with these what if’s and thought about how I would react to my child. I hope that we would have a relationship with our children such that they could be open and honest with us, and that we would listen to them. No matter what, I would want my children to know that my husband and I loved them no matter what, and that we would their side facing the consequences of their actions.
